


Sounds Getting Softer

by Corilyn_Winchester



Series: Fading Noises [1]
Category: Psych
Genre: Deaf Character, Gen, Hearing aids, HoH!Shawn, deaf shawn spencer, gus is understanding, hard of hearing character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-22 17:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4843847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corilyn_Winchester/pseuds/Corilyn_Winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Shawn Spencer was 15 his ears buzzed at night when it was quiet.<br/>When Shawn Spencer was 19 he was diagnosed with idiopathic hearing loss.<br/>When Shawn Spencer was 23 he got his first set of hearing aids.</p><p>This story follows the life of Shawn Spencer, a Shawn Spencer who is slowly lossing his hearing due to unknown reasons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I really wished I owned them. I only own Marcus (you'll meet him later).
> 
> This story exsists for a number of reasons, the first being that I can't find a single deaf/HoH Shawn fic anywhere. It mught exsist, but i can't seem to locate it. Another reason is the subject itself, and my new found obsession with Clint Barton's canonical deafness (comics) and the fact that he is a superhero despite it. 
> 
> Thank you and enjoy.  
> Author's Chapter Notes:  
> So far this fic is 3 chapters, but i may add more depending on response. Thank you for reading, leave a comment if anything bothers you or if i got anything wrong.
> 
> BTW posted from my phone so let me know if the formating needs fixing

Shawn Spencer started loseing his hearing when he was 15 years old. He noticed a slight change in the way people sounded, how he had to ask people to repeat themselves occasionally. He figured it was listening to his walkman too loudly, and continued on with his life. It wasn't a problem. 

By the time he was 19, he'd lost a good portion of the high frequency hearing in his left ear, notably worse than his right. Its right after he gets out of jail that he finally admits that it might be a problem and sees a doctor about it. Intellectually, Shawn has known his hearing was getting worse, despite his best efforts. He wore ear plugs at concerts, stayed away from the speakers at parties, made sure the volume on his walkman wasn't too high. He tried. And yet still, he was having problems understanding people when there was background noise.

The doctor does a test, and then re-does the test. And then calls another doctor. He sits down in front of Shawn, with the print out of the audiogram and a pen.

"Okay, Shawn, this red line is your left ear." The line slopes downward as the frequency increases, a blue line doing the opposite. "See the shaded section?" He nods, already guessing what's coming next. "That's the normal range for an adult. If you look at this, your reading is just this side of normal, until we get to the high pitched noises. Now, this is generally indicative of sound induced hearing loss. But...I don't think that's what you have. Look at the blue line." Shawn knows what's coming isn't good. "That's your right ear, and you are presenting with low to mid frequency loss. Not something we see with noise induced loss. "

"So, I'm going deaf?" It's what's he's feared since sophomore year of high school.

"It's too early to tell. You have what I'd like to call, at this time, idiopathic hearing loss, since we can't seem to figure out a cause. You might retain what hearing you have now, or you may loss more. Maybe even all of it. Truth is, I don't know." Shawn takes a deep breath, the doctor looking him over, taking in his reaction. "Right now, it isn't too bad. I'm not going to recommend you get hearing aids now, because you said you aren't having too much trouble understanding speech, and generally it isn't impacting your life. I want to see you in 6 months, and re-test you then, see if there's any change."

"Okay. Sure. So uh, how bad, exactly, am I?" He can look at this logically if he just knows. Can research later, can read the facts, the studies. Can see if he needs to learn sign language, or look into hearing aids in a year. He can do this.

"Right now, your left ear is showing moderate high frequency loss, your right is showing mild low and mid range frequency loss. If both sides were as bad as the left, I'd be telling you to come back in 2 weeks for a fitting, since high frequency loss interferes with speech understanding and phone use."

"Thank you, I'll see you in six months then." He isn't going to keep the appointment. 

"Yes. And if you at all suspect your hearing is getting worse before then, call or come in right away. Okay?" He doesn't plan too. He has what he came for.

"Definitely."

\---------

4 years later

He never does go back to the audiologist outside Las Vegas. He doesn't see another one for close to 4 years. Doesn't find one when he starts having problems with phone calls to Gus, or understanding his boss. Doesn't make an appointment when he's late to his job driving the wiener mobile because his alarm clock isn't loud enough anymore. 

But then he does. Its the turn of the century, the year 2000. And he decides that of anytime for this, now is good.

The audiologist is funny. That earns him points in Shawn's book. He doesn't look upset when Shawn says he was tested years ago and never followed up. 

"I'm calling it Idiopathic progressive sensioneural hearing loss. Obviously it's gotten worse. Long story short, and I'm only cutting this out because you seem to have accepted this, you need hearing aids." The second he saw the audiogram, he knew. "Moderate hearing loss at most frequencies in the right, and moderate high frequency loss in the left. You said that one looked almost the same?" It had come as a shock that while his right had gotten significantly worse, his left and only fluctuated slightly. 

"Yeah. It looks the same as it did before." He's gotten good at reading lips without even noticing it. He barely needs to understand the spoken words to get the message, all his training coming in handy. Body language, facial expression, differences in pronunciation. 

"While strange with how much your right has fallen, its not rare for hearing loss to be unilateral, especially with something like this. Come back in a week, we'll get you fitted for a set of hearing aids okay?" He's known it was coming. 

\--------

He hates them. They distort noises and make some things too loud, while others he still has to strain to hear. They're ugly and annoying and hurt his head. 

But its better, as much as he hates to admit it, the aids help. So he wears them to work when he needs too. If its a job that requires talking to people he does, but around whatever apartment or motel or hostel he's staying in, he doesn't. He gets even better at reading lips and eventually buys a disk set of ASL videos, learns that, just in case. He hates how people see the flesh colored plastic and talk slower at him, act like he's stupid. One instance in particular, there was a very condescending women, he'd been selling a used car too, or trying too. She'd been fine, until she saw his hearing aids. She'd asked, in very over exaggerated and loud speech, to see a supervisor, since she wasn't going to buy a car from the lot sweeper. Shawn, who'd been having a fairly bad day anyways, had nodded, avoided saying the remark on the tip of his tongue and walker back to the employee break room and stalked to his locker. Quickly changing his shirt and taking his hearing aids out, giving himself a minute to acclimate to the muffled noise he turned to Marcus, another sales guy.

"Volume check. 'M I good?" Marcus was great, he didn't care, at all, that Shawn couldn't hear for shit anymore,and he was always willing to help out with costumers who wouldn't close on a sale with him.

"Yeah, you're good." Marcus was also very good at facing Shawn when he was speaking. "Batteries dead?" 

"Nah, this chick is being a bitch. Wanted to talk to a supervisor. So, supervisor Shawn." Because of his amazing sales figures, he had been promoted to the shift supervisor just a few weeks before. Thus the change in shirt, to the one that said 'Shawn, duty supervisor' under the logo.

"Ah. Well, if you need anything, you know where I am for the next...23 minutes." Marcus enunciated well, making him easy to read.

"Yup. Gotta go, see ya." And he's back out in the lot, near the '97 Volvo sedan. 

"Hello ma'am." He's gotten good at judging his volume even when he can't exactly hear himself. 

"Hello, I'm interested in buying this car, but I have a few questions." She turns and Shawn prays that the muffled warble isn't her continuing to speak. "The man that was out here before, is he your brother? The deaf one? "And there it is, the familiarity without recognition that Shawn was trained to manipulate. Change the things someone catalogues about you, and you can change who they see.

"Who, Sean?" They'd misspelled his name on the regular work polo. "No, he's not my brother." 

"Oh, okay I was going to say though, it's great if your establishment to employ the disabled." He clenched his fists in his pockets. He doesn't want to the loose the sale and he has a point to prove so he doesn't say anything.

"He's a great guy. He'd have sold you the car, just as same as I will. So, how bout those questions?"

"Gas mileage, and your leasing options. I'm pretty much decided on this one." Good, less verbal to deal with.

They get to the paperwork stage and Shawn very much on purpose doesn't move the package of hearing aid batteries from his desk. She's signing the leasing agreement when he decides to end the charade and excuses himself for a second, under the guise of coffee for them both. He stops by his locker, grabs both hearing aids and two cups of coffee before heading back to the desk and the blond woman. 

"Here you are miss." He sits down, putting the devices in plain view before opening the battery hatchs and replacing both (he'd been meaning to all day, the little beep that indicated the batteries were dying getting annoying). 

"Oh, how nice of you to do that for him." Just sign the paper, let me hand you key. Then I can tell you. 

"Hmm?" He feigns innocence as the woman signs the last line. 

"Doing that, with the batteries. Sean must appreciate it."

"Its actually pronounced Shawn. They spelled it wrong on my first polo." He snaps the hatches shut and slips the ear hooks into place. "I changed my shirt, and did the whole rest of the deal without 'em. You wanted the supervisor, but you were already talking to him. "

"But...how?" Her dumbfounded look amuses him. "You're deaf, how are you a supervisor?"

"Same way you are an interior design specialist. I'm good at this. Just because I'm hard of hearing, doesn't mean I can't do everything you can." He hands the key over with a smile. "Have a great day, remember any problems, give us a call." He hopes she learned a lesson. Even if she didn't, he had fun, playing her like that.

Marcus signs a quick little 'nice play shawn' ,and Shawn responds with a 'thanks. This bitch thought S-E-A-N different person than me.'. That's another reason Marcus is great, his older sister was born almost completely deaf, and he'd been signing longer than he'd been talking. 

The woman's eyebrows raise and she walks out of the building with her keys and paperwork.

\-----

He visits his dad in 2001. He doesn't say anything about his hearing loss, doesn't wear his aids at all the whole time. His dad, master detective, doesn't suspect a thing. 

\------

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

In late 2004 Shawn decides to move back to Santa Barbara. His hearing aids are broken, but he doesn't really care. He can function well enough without them, and yeah okay, if he works in customer service he should have them, but stocking shelves at Wal-Mart doesn't require it. And the pager they give all the employees tells him what he misses over the loud speaker. He gets tested when they offer a free screening, a van comes out and all the employees get a chance early one morning, then the van opens shop to customers. The testing guy, once Shawn sits through it grabs his arm on the way out.

"Either you failed on purpose or I have some news for you." The tattoo on his wrist is peaking out from the sleeve and Shawn bites back a comment on it.

"I know my hearing is crap, I just wanted the read out, so I can see how bad its gotten." It's been a year since he really heard his own voice, everyone else's is just a muttering, and he desperately hopes that he isn't starting to slur his words. Peoples expressions tell him he's easy to understand and so he figures he isn't, but it's still a little frightening. 

"Oh, alright. Yeah, I can print this out real quick. Give me a minute-" He turns and Shawn stiffles a heavy sigh. "Here." He hands over the one page test result after about a minute. "You might wanna see about getting hearing aids dude, you're pretty bad."

"Had 'em since 2000, they broke last year." That day had been frustrating, he'd just pulled into a motel for the night, deciding to spend the money he had from South American wisely, and had slipped his aids in place, flicked the switches on the back, and....nothing. So he'd quickly switched the batteries out,when that didn't fix the problem (and it wasn't him, the green light wasn't even on and his motorcycle had been as loud as it had been for the last year or two) he'd just booked the room without them and taken a closer look once he was inside. The right had been starting to work oddly for the last few weeks and the left had started cutting out the night before in the bar. There was no damage he could see, but they definitely were broken. And he wasn't going to spend the money to buy new ones,and his lack of insurance doesn't help. Its a good thing he never became fully dependent on the things.

\------

He doesn't tell Gus. He should, but he doesn't. Does get one of his aids fixed though,just so he can use the phone again. And then psych happens. And Shawn realizes that working with the police on a regular or semi-regular basis requires talking, and it's more problematical friend, listening. 

His hearing has stabilized, at about 65 decibles across the board in both ears. He is, officially, moderately bordering on severely, hard of hearing. The audiologist can't tell him if he'll lose anymore, or what is causing it. Its idiopathic, there's no answer. He does put an order in for a new set of hearing aids, crazy green and supposedly better than the ones he had before. Sets up a payment plan and braces himself to tell Gus (and maybe just maybe, his dad). 

\-----

"Hey Gus." He's dreaded this for nearly 6 years. His best friend has only ever heard Shawn ask someone to say something again or seemingly ignore someone talking to him. 

"Hey Shawn." They're meeting up for lunch, then heading over to the psych office to look over some stuff for a case they just got put on. "Taco Tuesday is a good tradition." Gus' need for eye contact when speaking made Shawn's life a whole lot easier.

"Agreed." He's thought this through, a lot actually. Contrary to popular belief Shawn can plan ahead, and often does. "So uh, what did you do during the time I was gone? I know we talked and all, but what did you do?" He's hopping this goes smoothly.

"You know, college, dated a few girls. I've told you." They settle into seats in the outdoor section of the taco shop. "Started working as a pharmaceutical rep."

"Yeah. I know. But....did anything happen that you didn't expect?" He hadn't expected to be 23 and hearing impaired.

"Well, I wanted to be a doctor and you see how that turned out. I did not expect to pass out at the sight of blood. What about you? Anything you didn't expect?" The waitress notices them, waves and gives the universal sign for 'just a second' before flashing a smile.

"Lots of stuff. Uh, didn't expect to end up in south America. Didn't expect to...Gus I haven't been entirely truthful with you." Well that wasn't what he meant to say.

"What? What do you mean?" Gus looks distraught. Like Shawn is about to tell him he's dying or something.

"Yeah. Uh, I'm fairly...hard of hearing....now. I actually, have hearing aids. Don't wear 'em though. " He'd duck his head if it wouldn't disrupt his view of Gus' face.

"What?" Shawn can tell it's probably close to whispered. "This isn't funny. You don't joke about stuff like that. Its ableism and its shitty." He'd made Gus curse, it was impressive.

"I'm not joking, and two; I hate ableists. With a passion." He'd looked up what people like the lady at the used car dealership were nicknamed. He'd found so much on people who dealt with the likes of her. People who'd run into the same discrimination he'd faced almost every time he actually wore his hearing aids in public. "It's called idiopathic progressive sensioneural hearing loss."

"Jesus....Shawn, how long have you....known?" Gus leans forward,eyes wide.

"Started noticing when I was like...15. Got tested after I got out of jail. Ended up with a set of hearing aids like 5 years ago. Didn't wanna say anything." He shrugs. "I've learned to live with it."

"Okay. How...how bad?" The waitress chooses then to walk over.

"What can I get you two today?" She's chipper and smiley and her badge reads 'Brenda'.

"I'll take a taco combo, thank you." Gus flashes his own flirtatious smile at her in return.

"Same." Gus doesn't know if it's because he knows his friend can't hear so Shawn isn't hideing anymore, or that now that he knows, he's looking for it, but he's slightly too loud. Not a lot, but just noticeable. 

"Alrighty, I'll be back in just a few with those for you guys." As she walks off, Gus refocuses on his best friend. 

"Moderate to moderate severe. Not....horrible, but pretty crappy. Like...I can hear you talking, but it doesn't really make sense. There's too many sounds missing or mumbled, so most of the time...I'm reading lips to figure it out." Back on track, this part was planned, telling Gus how bad it was.

"So, you can't hear speech anymore?" There's a few audiologists on his route, and he knows some of the terminology. 

"Not well. So...you aren't gonna start treating me like an invalid right? Because I can do anything someone with normal hearing can, I've proven it before. I mean...you didn't even suspect anything." Shawn knows that Gus is smart enough to know not to discriminate, but it's still a valid concern.

"Of course not. I'm your best friend, no matter what. You know that. So, if you have hearing aids, why don't you wear them?" Gus has heard and read about the deaf community, how some in it beleive that nothing needs to be done besides acceptance and education by and of hearing individuals. He also (secretly) hopes that Shawn has decided that he'll either live as hearing as he can, or ride the line between the two. 

"They broke a while back, got one fixed so I could call people if I needed too and just now got around to getting a new set. They help, and I was gonna just wear them tomorrow at psych, and see how you reacted, but....tacos make everything better." He's kind of hoping Gus will offer to go with him to get the new ones, as they should be there today.

"Who's your audiologist?"

"Ramos. Actually have to go pick up the new ones today." Eye contact avoidance is something that Shawn doesn't get to relish in very often anymore, and he wishes he could then.

"Perfect. Dr. Ramos is on my route, after we finish here we can swing by. If that's okay with you." The waitress reappears and sets both plates of tacos down to happy thanks and a comment from Gus that makes her blush and Shawn misses from his angle.

"That's fine. Long as you drop me back at my motorcycle after. They're green, should be at least." He stuffs half a taco into his mouth, closing his eyes and moaning Faintly. "Oh this is a good taco." 

"Only you, as a grown man would get green hearing aids." Gus says once Shawn reopens his eyes.

"Psht! I'm offened. I could have done hot pink, what would you say then?" Every color possible was in the booklet, from skin tone to 2 color purple and orange.

"I'd ask what your boyfriends name was." And here's the deal, Gus knows Shawn is bi, knows he's dated guys and girls. But he's never met any of the guys.

"Marcus. Well, my ex, anyways." It wasn't even a bad breakup, they'd talked it out, half signed and half spoken, both of them switching back and forth easily (ASL was easy for Shawn, it was visual and his edetic memory made it simple). Then they'd went their separate ways. 

"Ah, car dealership Marcus." Just because he'd never met the guy, didn't mean he hadn't heard about him. 

"Yeah. But no seriously, they should be neon green."

\------

They finish their tacos and jump in Gus' car, when they get to Dr. Ramos' office Gus grabs his sample case as Shawn signs in on the patient log. 

"Ah, Mr. Spencer, Shawn sorry." The doctor signs as he speaks, finger spelling Shawn's name. "Here for your fitting?" Gus walks in, case rolling behind him and the door does its special chime, the regular noise and a flash from a light on the counter. "Guster! What a surprise, didn't expect you today."

"Dude...you actually go by Guster? Not something awesome, like the dealer. Or magic crate?" The older man raises an eyebrow. 

"Yes Shawn, I go by my given name when conducting business. Hello doctor." Gus shoots a scathing look at Shawn.

"Ah, you two know each other." More signs over words, and Gus sees Shawn tracking the man's hands when he looks. 

"Since elementary school. So, we good to go? Kinda wonder what I sound like now." The fingers in his left hand are jumping in a spastic rhythm on his leg, the only sign on his anxiety.

"I can understand that. Come on, let's get you all set up. Guster, this shouldn't take long, you can set up whatever on the counter, you know the drill." He opens the door to the private room, and the receptionist waves at Gus, a bored expression on her face. 

\-----

The first thing Gus notices when Dr. Ramos and Shawn exit the room is that his best friend looks less tense than he had before. Of all the reasons his best friend could have come back tense, loseing roughly half his hearing was probably the least traumatic reason, and honestly the least expected. Gus had feared that it was something much worse.

"So, what'd you think Gus?" He turns his head, showing the very bright green peaking around his ears. 

"Very bright. Almost the same shade as the psych sign." Shawn grins and Gus feels his chest loosen at seeing the very Shawn reaction, but not forced this time (for the most part, Gus knows that Shawn's normal behavior is an act).

"Awesome." 

"Remember, any problems, come back by and see me. Don't wear them for too long the first few days, never sleep with them on. You've done this before." Shawn has a case and some paperwork in his hands. "Also, those don't have a battery warning, so keep an eye on that." 

"Got it, thanks." Shawn takes a deep breath, seems to settle himself. "Forgot how much ambient noise there was. Lots of sounds." 

"Its normal to be a bit overwhelmed, let your brain adjust and you'll be fine." The dark haired man looks over the counter quickly. "Awesome, you put out more of the ear infection pamphlets. Those always disappear. Oh, I need to order some stuff from your catalog. Give me minute to fill out the form." And then he disappears again.

"So, how's it feel?" Gus leaves the question light.

"Loud...but not at the same time. Like...there's a lot of noise." He looks like he's searching for a word." The AC, things like that."

"I think I get the picture. At least as well as I can. Give me ten minutes to get this order in and I'll drop you back where you parked and we can head to the psych office."

And Shawn knows that nothing has changed since they were teenagers, except the fact that Shawn has neon green hearing aids. 

He'll tell the police tomorrow, subtle little things, asking if they'd please face him when talking, seeing if an extra copy of the briefing notes could be printed for him. Little things.

\-----

He doesn't tell his dad. He lets him figure it out on his own. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took forever, thank you so much to all my commenters and kudos givers, you all rock.
> 
> Just an FYi nothing is going to be updated for at lease 9 weeks, most of my posted fics are written more than they posted, but due to leaving for boot camp tomorrow I will be unable to post anything until i'm out of that!!
> 
> Have fun

Henry doesn't believe him. It stings, more so than he's expecting it to, since he figured there'd be some kind of disbelief or anger. Shawn showed up at the house, neon green hearing aids in place, and his dad had yelled at him. He didn't turn them off, wanted to hear the frustration because he could. A week ago, he'd have just looked away and lost what was being said. He took the anger, the shouts. It was what it was, and it's not like it hadn't happened before.

His dad didn't believe him.

"Believe what you want to. Just...face me when you're talking, or I won't understand it. I thought you were observant, sure as hell made me be." Are his parting words as he slams the door on the way out.

________________

 The case is....a kidnapping, if his lip reading serves him right. It normally does, but it isn't a science, and Shawn will admit to messing up, even if it's rare.  The problem is that there are too many people talking, and Lassiter keeps turning back to the white board. Gus isn't there to help him out, however much he hates asking for help, or repeats, or pretty much any consideration at all for his issue. That isn't to say that he isn't so frustrated he's almost left about a billion times. But the case looks good is the problem...

But he doesn't know enough to 'see' anything.

"Chief! Can I talk to you for a minute?" Be the goofball they all think you are. He follows her into the office without registering an answer.

"Spencer, we already put you on the case. What now?" Oh. Okay, cool. Shawn thinks, he doesn't have to fight for his spot.

"Anyway I could get uh....notes....about the case? To better connect with the spirits?" Shawn has been hoping that the detectives notice the bright green and he doesn't have to explain this.

"Really? The...spirits.. need the notes." Okay, decent enough start.

"Yes. They need a certain amount of information to...separate, the people as necessary." Vaguely believable.

"And you're unable to suffice this information by sitting through a briefing?" Shit.

"Uh..." He takes a breath to steady himself, he hates talking about this. About his...fucking disability.

"It's fine. I'll get you a copy. Just for...giggles... do you need the notes every time? Or just when it's loud in the room?" Oh...so she had noticed. Cool.

"Every time would be nice. It's uh...lassiter likes to face the board when he's talking. Makes it harder." It's hard, to try and not be serious here. To add the flare, the joking. "Thanks Chief."

"Are you deaf, or hard of hearing?" It's been questioned before.

"I generally identify as hard of hearing, but...it's progressive." Hopefully it didn't get much worse, but it could was the problem.

"Okay. Why is this just coming up now? Not before?" She doesn't look like she thinks he's lying. It's good.

"Gus. He can repeat things, and I...I read lips better when there's less distractions. So...when the station was loud before I could just look at whoever was talking, but...hearing aids. And now everything is loud." Noise is distracting, more so than he remembers it being.

"Your father knows?"

"I told him. He doesn't believe it though." Shawn has to school his features to not show how much that admission hurts.

"How long has this been an issue?" She doesn't look like she pity's him, which is good.

"A while. Started..going late in high school. Became an actual....thing in 2000." It's harder than he'd like to admit to say the words out loud. To admit he's been weak for that long.

"And Henry, he doesn't know this?" Shawn shakes his head no. “You said he didn’t believe you.” She’s turned away though, halfway through the statement, and Shawn’s very tenuous hold on the conversation is lost, even with the amplification he’s found that he still relies on lip reading to understand a person most of the time.

“Could you repeat that?” It rubs him the wrong way to ask, but he has to.

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter. Make sure you alert detectives Lassiter and O’hara to your hearing loss, or I will take you off this case and any further cases that come your way. Are we clear?” So, she’s one of those.

“Yes. Except for one thing, whatever you said was important, it did matter, or else you wouldn’t have said it. Don’t exclude me from a conversation just because it takes you 5 extra seconds and a thought to face me when you’re speaking.” He can’t hold it back, that anger at people who do that, it's the only real time he gets pissed off about his disability. And the word is sneered like a curse even in his own head.

“Okay then, I said, he, referring to your father, didn’t believe you?” She has a good poker face, but Shawn reads body language like a champ, always has, but it’s been heightened by his need for it lately. His outburst elicited a response in her.

“Henry doesn’t like to believe things that he didn’t discover. We don’t have the best relationship, and when he does finally decide I wasn’t ‘pulling one of my scams’ he will blame it on me. I have no doubt.” He really doesn’t, Henry will say it was all the stupid stuff he did as a kid, or the fault of his motorcycle.

“He’ll come around. He has to.” She goes to say more but the door opens, interrupting her.

“Chief, I think we might have a lead on the prime suspect’s car.” Lassiter says, his deeper voice breaking through the cacophony of noise from the police bullpen, and reaching even to Shawn and his messed up ears.

“Good.” She states as Shawn gives his obligatory ‘ Lassie face!’ greeting to the head detective.

“Spencer, I thought you left.”  He looks annoyed, and mutters something under his breath.

“Speak up?” Shawn puts as much hope into his voice as possible, and taps a finger to his left ear.

“Then take the headphones out.” They do kind of look like headphones if you don’t notice the green blobs.

“That would make it worse.” But he shrugs, acts as psychic Shawn as they expect out of him, and removes both hearing aids, flicking the switches off as he does so. “You were saying?” He holds both out in his palm, in the little kiddish gesture of ‘what now?’.

“Wait are those…” Lassitter enunciates well, a weird trait.

“Yeah, now can I put them back?” The odd buzzing and occasional interlude of noise is familiar, the way he hears without assistance is better than the loudness sometimes.

“You’re joking, you have to be. I would have noticed that. I’m going to go follow up a lead, do your little...psychic routine out of my way.” The message is clear in his face, Lassiter, like his father, does not believe him. The door is loud enough to be a soft bang as it slam shut before he rearranges the stupid expensive little bits of computer parts.

“I’ll be out of here too, have to commune with the spirits.” And he’s out of the office too, before the chief can respond to Lassiter's behavior or Shawn's apparent nonchalance about it.

\------------------------------------

The thing was, he didn’t always wear his hearing aids. Even the first time, when he was new to the whole hard of hearing thing, he only wore them when he needed to, or if he had them on they were turned off. The same goes for his new pair. In the station, maybe 70% of the time, he has them on and well, on. The psych office is nearly never, unless there’s a client he needs to talk to, or the phone. Gus is good, he lets Shawn know when the phone is ringing, or the TV is too loud, or something equally stupid that Shawn sometimes needs a nudge with.

The first 3 months after his confession, finally cornering Jules on the way out of the station, asking in a small voice (because flirting worked on her, and not on Lassitter although that was just for fun) if she could maybe face him when she was talking, especially since her voice was higher pitched due to her female nature and he had trouble understanding it on the best of days. They go well, or decent at least. Henry finally relents, googles what Shawn called his hearing loss and realizes the signs were there all along. He tells Shawn he believes him one night during dinner at a crowded bar, watching his son look uncomfortable and fiddle with his ears almost constantly. Adjusting the volume, trying not to get overwhelmed by the massive amount of noise and the loud cheers that punctuate the background every time the Seahawks- Packers game blaring on the TV does anything of interest. Henry tells him he believes him, and see’s the relief in his son’s face as he lets him know it's okay to turn down the world if he want to. Henry realizes that Shawn is okay with the quiet, like it doesn’t bother him that much, and Henry thinks that maybe that's why he’s so loud. He’s filling in the silence.

Turns out Buzz knows a fair handful of ASL, due to a stink dating a deaf girl in high school. He signs about a third of the words he says when he’s talking to Shawn, and jesus, he forgot how much that helps. Gus learns the alphabet, although he still messes up ‘p’ and ‘q’, and a handful of the more important words. Henry starts emailing Shawn instead of calling him, because while the younger Spencer won’t say anything about it, he has a problematic relationship with his cell phone. Chief Vick and Detective Lassiter get a short lesson about ableism, from Gus (and Shawn will never ever ever find out about that power point). Gus realizes that while he just found out about this, Shawn has been dealing for years, he see’s how his best friend quickly pockets his hearing aids before anyone notices on scenes sometimes, how he watches faces even when he has them on. Shawn is hard of hearing, and Gus has accepted this. It's everyone else that seems to have a problem with this.


	4. Chapter 4

   Eventually Lassiter accepts it too, even if he will never believe anything about the psychic part of Shawn. He does a background search, finds a state mandated IQ test with his record. Shawn's not nearly as stupid as he likes to come across as, or he somehow cheated a supervised test.

     Lassie accepts that Spencer is really hard or hearing after the idiot gets shot. It takes 4 years of watching and working with him for the detective to believe it. Watching the confusion as he stumbles around the grass area, watching Henry tap his shoulder, the good one to get his attention before he speaks. So he knows that elder Spencer believes what he still thinks is a lie at that point.

       Then there's the hospital and when Lassiter and O'Hara walk in to get his statement there's a woman there, name badge clipped to her shirt, and a clipboard in hand. She isn't someone they've seen before and she isn't a nurse.

       "Hello, my name is Kate, I'll be standing in as interpretation support for the duration of this meeting." She extends a hand, and Lassiter reads the name tag . She is no nonsense and her credentials are familiar, he hasn't met her before but the company she's licensed with is on call for the SBPD. Spencer looks uncomfortable, and not completely from the way his arm is strapped down to his chest (its been over 3 days since the freeway chase, but he's just now lucid enough to conduct the interview). He doesn't like this, the attention being given to him. Its odd. Not Spencer at all.

"Can we just get this over with?" He sounds irritated.

           "Just go through the events, from when you left the voice message with Guster to the moment we caught the truck on the freeway." He watches the interpreter as she signs the statement, watches how Spencer crunches his eyes at Lassiter before glancing over at the woman.

         "Kate, I don't need you to sign everything, if I miss something I'll ask okay? It's distracting." He seems almost upset at her mere presence.

 

       It takes a few minutes into what will end up as a nearly hour long interview for Lassiter to accept the truth. He knows his partner already has, and feels maybe the slightest bit bad about not recognizing the obvious signals that are now showing themselves. Shawn really can't hear all that great. And the bright green is gone from its home behind his ears, and the so-called great detective is just now putting together the clues that have been explained to him again and again since meeting the man in front of him. The little noises of frustration when Lassiter or more often O'Hara ask a question, when he does look to Kate, eyes flicking over her hands and then answering.

 

       Lassiter isn’t stupid, nor is he in any way unobservant, but somehow he missed this. Missed this huge thing that has literally been shoved in his face on multiple occasions. Missed all the little things, the half conversations and hints from Guster that he now sees for what they are: support. Some of the crazy hand flapping…it had been ASL, the deliberately slow hand flapping to try and get someone else to understand it, someone with less practice at the language. This isn't something that he made up to go with the psychic scam, but rather something he has had to adapt to. And it seems like he has…at least fairly well.

       And well….if Lassiter feels like a bit of an idiot….no one needs to know.


	5. In the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the final chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to say thank you to all the wonderful comments and kudos and just plain views on this work, I never expected so much response and you are all awesome.
> 
> I'm so sorry it took so long to finish this, but with any fic its hard to find a good end, but this one tried to write itself, and came to a close on its own terms. At least 10 times since I posted chapter 4 of this fic I have sat down at my computer, or opened the note app on my phone, and stared at a blank document, trying to finish this monstrosity, so thank you for holding on and I hope you enjoy.

           Shawn gets a bit more comfortable around the station (however comfortable he already looked, once Lassiter finally allows him to know that he believes it, he gets more…easy).

 

           Then there's the morning…the morning Shawn Spencer wakes up with no hearing what so ever. He's scared. He panics, almost forgets how to breath, before calming down enough to sit down, try to figure it out.

             The thing is, he knew it was a possibility, he's read every single article published on the disorder that he has, and each one says that hearing loss to the point of profound deafness is, while not expected or common, is possible. He just wasn't expecting it to be so soon. But, he's Shawn Spencer, and he's always had something to prove.

             He leaves his (now useless, but maybe not with new programming) hearing aids on his desk at Psych (because he slept there last night, sue him), grabs his motorcycle helmet and keys, and shows up at the station exactly 17 minutes after he was supposed to be there (he wanted to be on time, but his freak out took a while). Gus knows something is up, but Shawn not wearing his hearing aids isn't exactly uncommon, and happens fairly regularly, so no one really says anything. But Gus notices that Shawn is twitchy in a sense, checking over his shoulder and resting his fingers on places where vibrations will alert him of a person or motion. His eyes are locked on peoples faces (but they usually are). He corners him at lunch, getting PF Changs, when he knows something is really up with Shawn when he doesn't give his order right away, not verbally at least, his hands say it, he realizes his mistake, then repeats it, much to quietly for the usually loud pseudo psychic.

           "What's up with you today Shawn?" Gus says as much with his hands as he can (but languages have never been his strong suit, and he's still learning even all these years after finding out). Shawn looks down at his food, then with hands that show his frustration, and the little nervous tick that he's got (the over pronunciation when he's speaking) shows even through sign language.

             "I can't hear. At all." He looks up at Gus, fear in his eyes. "This morning, no noise, nothing." Gus' face falls.

             "You're deaf? Not hard of hearing now?" Gus learned, he read and read and traded a colleague to get the other ENT's on his route and read some more, collected pamphlets when he visited the offices. He wanted-needed-to know.

               "I guess? Today at least. Don't tell, even my dad." Gus gives him the look. "I'll go over tonight, having dinner anyways."

                 "What about Lassiter and the chief and Jules?"

                   "Give it a few days, in case it comes back." He knows how unlikely that is, but its hope, and everyone knows him as the optimistic one.

 

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       It doesn't come back, but he slowly starts to except it, he texts his mom, see's where she is and sets up a time for them to talk (she only knows he's got issues with his ears, not that its nearly this bad). Its like excepting he's hard of hearing, but more severe this time. At least it wasn't all of a sudden, he had a few good years to learn all the important voices, and his memory won't let him forget them, or the lyrics of any of the music he's heard, the lyrics he'll never hear again (most likely). He gets his hearing aids reprogrammed, and with them he can hear noises, can tell when someone is talking if they're in front of him, but not well enough to understand them, its just murmurs. But it could be worse. He could have gone from his 15 year old self, with relatively normal hearing, to this in a day. There's a lady in the Santa Barbara ASL club who had that happen to her, one day a normal 22 year old, the next completely deaf. He got lucky, she has the same disorder he does, but it was so sudden, at least he knew it was coming (or at least the possibility).

         That's the year that Juliet signs the birthday song to him, and he knows that his feelings aren't one sided. No one learns a language for someone they don't care about. He can still read lips, it’s a skill he's needed for years, he's just as observant if not more so, now that there's less sound distractions. He's still Shawn Spencer, with the motorcycle and the crazy speeches and the over zealous hand movements that everyone thought were just nonsense, until you look closer and realize he's just talking to the people he belongs to.

         Shawn doesn't consider himself Deaf, he isn't a part of the culture, but he does do things with the others like him, and there are people in the club that help him realize he's nothing less than he was a month ago, when voices made sense still, or years ago, before his first set of hearing aids, or before he went to jail. He's himself, and maybe he even has more skills than he would have, he learned a language he never would have thought of, he met people he never would have, and he's just as good as he could have been (maybe even better). Yes if he want's to get a normal job it'll be harder, but…who likes normal anyways?

End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are interested in a possible sequal to this fic, let me know, because there are a lot of points I wanted to put in this but didn't because it didn't fit the flow. 
> 
> againt, thank you.


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